I was walking into the office on a Monday morning , when I met Craig at the door. Craig worked in another department and was one of those guys you saw and thought, now that’s a cool guy…
He was well built, smart and was a quick wit. This combination made him popular with anyone he met and you always wondered if he really was having so much fun in life as we felt he was.
Fast forward a few months later and I started seeing the same Craig with not so fast a wit and having a worried and pensive look on his face all the time. I did not know him all that well to ask a direct question. But curiosity did get the better of me…
Near the coffee machine, I got into a casual conversation with him and commented that he is not looking all that well and if he was fine. Craig looked at me and with a resigned voice said ‘I have cancer and its in a late stage’ ….
You keep hearing about people having cancer or know relatives who have been through it or have read stories about people who have gone through it, successfully or mostly not but you can never prepare yourself for a reaction when someone who you see daily says it to your face. It jolted me and I immediately offered condolences and awkwardly left the conversation
Typically when you hear any such calamitous news, there are always moments of pensive thinking. You all of a sudden feel thankful for what you have, you all of a sudden have the revelation that you need to be always happy and enjoy the gifts of life and you start thinking……of course , then in a few hours you get back to your normal behavior with all of these gone from your conscious mind.
I went through the same thinking cycle and also started thinking how can such a seemingly gifted person be so unlucky, is there such a thing as fate? , how would he handle it? Would he sink with time and disappear out of our consciousness? I did not really know him all that well anyway…and on and on…
The next few days and weeks I use to steal a glance at Craig whenever I saw him and so much wanted to talk to him but could not muster the courage as in such instances , you are never sure what to say and if it will depress and remind the person further or would he welcome it. I could see that he as physically going down and it was even more apparent on Craig. But this was now something which did not shock me or anyone and we went on with our lives…
I get a email on my inbox from one of my co-workers informing me that Craig has started a blog to keep talking to people about his thoughts, his progress and status. I thought of it as a pretty interesting idea and subscribed to the blog which was going to keep me informed on Craig and what he was going through….
I started reading the blog daily and then it happened….
I really started to read and think and not forget. Craig, the handsome , strong dude was actually sharing his emotions and his need to talk and communicate. His Blog talked about things he took for granted in life and how valuable they were. It was not anything we did not know but since it was coming everyday from someone who had actually realized the value of it, it was almost that the rest of us were getting a lesson in life and how to live it, as someone else’s expense…if only we were really willing to listen this time
As the economic downturn hit, it was so contrasting to listen to my other co workers and then read Craig’s blog and get his take on this. While he was sharing his treatment he was also sharing how he looked at such events. While not belittling them, it was refreshing and inspiring to see how he was attempting to find the best way to tackle it, look at opportunities to use it to ones advantage and not let it get you down.
He was ‘keeping it real’ for me..He called his treatment ‘Club Chemo’ and while not being ashamed of saying that he spent the day crying and worrying also cherished each encouraging news and tried to get the most out of it.
I remember this post from him when he was talking about connecting back to what he really wanted to do in life. They were simple things such as playing golf or reading something or going somewhere or doing something which he had just not gotten to. There have been many books written on this topic..very recently the very popular ‘The last lecture’ but as Craig was explaining, there is reading and then there is READING…which means actually paying attention
As I write this, Craig is still fighting hard, has his ups and downs and never ashamed to acknowledge his downs and to celebrate his ups..and still everyday he provides a perspective on life which does not try to gain sympathy for him but actually spurs you look at each event from his eyes and learn a lot…
This kind of made me realize that not only we sometimes take things for granted , but we also have terribly short term memories. We need to have a way to have goals and ambitions but also have a way to know on a day to day basis , how to live in good spirits and not waste away…Ideally we should not be getting to a ‘Bucket list’ at the end of our lives but should be chipping away at our Bucket list all through our lives. I guess there are some facts of life and there are things we need to keep doing regardless we love them or not. But I can venture to say that these things really need not be most of what you do and the real trick is to transition from doing what you really don’t want to do to what you really want to or start enjoying what you do so a transition is really not required…
I don’t think a sermon on how to live life is warranted here as I wish I had figured that out! But I do think each person has to find out how and sometimes a regular dose of something like Craig’s blog does the trick. Its quite amazing how we don’t ask the most simple question most of the time. We ask if something is practical, good financially, low risk etc but not the simple question which sometimes can cut thro the confusion so easily. Very tricky decisions all of a sudden become easier as one of the most important filter becomes..
’Is this going to make me happier? ‘
Abhijit
29th march 2009
Blue
PS: A recent Blog entry from Craig:
An Inspiration - It was such a sunny day that after chemo I took a ride to the driving range...I was tired, fingers hurt etc from chemo so I didn’t hit balls but I did watch some folks hit....well I was in my car when I saw this guy about 35 or 45 years old....he was moving in very strange ways, involuntary movements in his hands, shoulders, etc like he had cerebral palsy or MS...It literally took him 5 to 10 minutes to get a ball out of the bucket and onto the mat where he could hit it....he moved himself into position, shaking and twitching until he was ready to swing....then when he swung it was the smoothest purest golf swing I have ever seen and the ball flew high and straight...not the longest shot ever but very good.....I ask God for strength, courage, and inspiration and I believe he drove me to that range to witness this gentlemen’s courage, dedication, and zest for life despite such an obvious and tough handicap....tears were coming down from my eyes as I watched him and they are coming down from my eyes now...to see someone with the perseverance to take over 5 to 10 minutes of shaking and struggling just to hit a ball...If I have half the fight that this guy has I'll be fine. It also reminded me how lucky I am to be able to move my arms and legs any time I want to, the way I want to...so many folks have it so much worse...it was very humbling, God has taught me another important lesson for sure.
God Bless,
Love,
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