‘My Children can become good social citizens’
A 13 year old girl is telling a reporter “I just hope my daughter does not become an opium bride and go through what I have” ……..
I have always been an avid reader. I guess I like to read anything and everything. It always begs the question that what percentage of the reading I do really makes a difference to me or my life in a positive way. If you try it you will see that it’s very hard to really measure this and you never know how all this reading is molding you if at all….
This was a Wednesday…a typical work day with nothing extraordinary happening or any possibility of happening. But then two things … very unassuming happened. While in the office I got an email with a signature at the bottom which read ‘The purpose of life is to have a life of purpose’ …
I read it and read it again. I have read many inspiring sentences but for some reason I liked this one for its simplicity of message. I did not give it any further thought but it was parked somewhere in my mind at least for that day.
My daughter is 5 and my son is 1. Like any conscious parents we have active topics in our home regarding raising our children, making the best learning avenues available to them and always trying to find options for enhancing their mental as well as physical growth. Such options are always centered on art classes, sports, music, reading etc. There are also discussions around teaching them good habits and making them well behaved kids. My better half takes a lead in such things and today was no exception…she has been looking for various options around classes & activities for the summer and she was not too happy that some of the ones she was looking for were full. So she felt that this was not good and my daughter will be loosing a valuable opportunity this summer.
In the evening I was working out and was reading a magazine when I happened upon an article on Opium Brides in Afghanistan which ended with a 13 year old girl telling a reporter “ I just hope my daughter does not become a opium bride and go through what I have”… This was a article about the plight in Afghanistan where daughters are pawned off to drug traffickers and money lenders against loans which poor farmers take for growing poppy ( the only sustainable cash crop in that region) and cant repay them…
This was like a bolt of lightning for me where I started thinking how far removed we are from many things in the world. While we as parents are concerned about making them wholesome kids with the appropriate classes and activities we have never had a serious discussion around any effort to make them better aware and good social citizens
I agree that, there are many problems in the world and this was just one of them but is it not important that as our kids grow they need to know how privileged we are and that we have a role and purpose in life beyond just going through the day and living for oneself. There are some for whom this goes all the way and they serve the world literally while there are others where this awareness and understanding of our relative place in this world gives them a pivot in life to put things in perspective as they grow up and they keep contributing in their small way and of course then there are others where none of this matters…..
I think we have a duty to our kids to at least equip them with this awareness by not just words but some actions so that they can at least make a decision for themselves as they go through life. What does this really mean? Does this mean we have to give up on something else which we like or enjoy? Is this really a choice or does it need to be a choice?
These are the questions which have vexed me for some time now…
Typically as parents we will naturally focus on the things which will make them ready for this world. Things such as formal education, sports, overall personality development, morals and while doing this we want to make them street smart and also understand the importance of making money.
All of the above takes day to day effort and in this world of mostly two working parents it ‘seems’ it also takes a fine act of time balancing.
This leaves no room to even think of any ways of making them better social citizens of this world….Infact in many cases our parental protective instincts may have us actually try to shield them from these realities of the world we live in...
My contention is that as the world has become more and more competitive and material values are at a high, we will not have to make much of an effort to make them street smart or money minded. The society we live in will take care of that.
Before I continue, I also want to say here that I am not a closet communist or an ultra socialist and absolutely believe in capitalism and importance of money making J
But then again I do think that there is a point in life where a strong social perspective as well as the relative importance and severity of things or problems in ones life, has a large impact on how the person perceives his place in the world.
What’s important and what’s not and what can be sources of happiness outside of money. In any small way what is one going to leave behind for the larger good to make an impact in the world he stays in?
I think such thoughts typically get associated with extremes where it seems that this cannot be done unless you leave everything related to what we perceive as being successful (money, positions, assets etc). I contend that its not.
That’s where I think that as parents if we make conscious investments to plant the right seeds of thoughts and awareness in our children, one day they will sprout and without realizing become key assets to them to lead happy and balanced lives…. lives of purpose….
I also think that the notion of ‘lets do the best for our children, provide them the best and not really have them see and understand the dark but very real side of the world’, needs to be questioned. We should reflect if shielding them is the right way or is it better to expose and present it to them in a way where it’s a step ladder in understanding it well rather than hiding from it or ignoring this reality…which infact is going to affect their day to day life in unknown ways in this very interconnected world……I can think of several examples of how this can happen…
What can be simple ways of doing this? I have a few thoughts and ideas here….
- As our kids get older it would be important to get them exposed to literature outside of usual fiction. We will have to take some effort in finding books which are easy reads but create this awareness
- We should focus on TV programs which are about world events or analysis and are introspective. Now here it’s not enough to just watch them but more to engage them in discussions which are interesting and which help them think or raise questions. Granted they will not understand the answers to some but one day they will figure it out if their minds become active on such things
- As parents we need to get involved in some social activities. An example can be that every month or other month we visit a NGO run program to just observe. There we along with our children should donate what we can and then have dialogues to understand their work
- This can also be tied to some event such as their birthdays etc where they donate some money for the family and do some volunteer work. This way it can become an organized family timeout…
- We have to make an effort to find programs, lectures, people who can provide a world perspective, global issues perspective as well as perspectives on issues in your country and take our children there. Easier said then done? I think not…there are many such around…all it needs is a desire from our end as parents to find them and not try to ignore them with a fake excuse of time. Sometimes it may become a choice between a fun movie (important too but far easier done) and attending such an event…
- Make this viral and find like minded friends with children, with whom you can make going for these events, having discussions a fun event. when there are other children it will be more interesting and engaging for your kids
- Create a concept of topic of the month and find ways of opening up discussions with your children and discuss them via even easier mediums such as documentaries, movies, easy books, internet research etc. Of course you will have to take the effort of bring it up to a easier and non-boring level and depending on the age of your children keep it at the right depth
- Of course one of the best is lead by example where you get involved with a NGO and start donating time for some social cause …this will definitely have a lasting impact on your children. Now this is one where each one will need to decide if they have the urge and true desire to do it as such things cannot be forced. But I do think its not too late for any of us to start doing our miniscule bit…this one is definitely easier said then done, I got to admit.
- We can mix it up by exposing them to equally important topics such as global warming or nature conservation which indirectly or in many cases directly have a huge social impact. These kind of topics will not only make the discussions or exposure interesting but also allow their minds to link all these things
- There can be many more easier ideas which can be used. If you notice, none of these should force you to give up on any of the usual fun activities such as movies, travel, sports etc… that’s the key….we don’t have to convince or fool ourselves in thinking that by doing any of this we are making a great sacrifice and have suddenly become greater human beings J
I also think that in all of us, in a small or big way there is always a want or desire to do good and feel good about it….do something impactful in any small way…
If we do this, they may at the right age start realizing that everyone in the world does not come with the same privileges (small of big) and actually may be able to make a relationship between that child in Afghanistan, why such situations happen, and what can one do in any small way to feel a part of the solution rather then the problem or be a passive observer….
I think that while doing this noble thing for our children we may discover that we may actually enjoy every bit of it and get more satisfaction just by the act of it….and who knows, it may infact change and enrich our lives in a very positive way…….
Abhijit
North Wales, PA,
4/4/08
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